Fuck My Life.

My love life's screwed up and my grades in math are like falling down down down down down. It isn't bad as it sounds. YEAH RIGHT! Dammitttt. IT IS! It is even worse.

I'm sorry if my grades in Calculus are like 7777. Dad said he would not have second thoughts in allowing me to study in Santo Tomas if I've done better. Damn! He's mad at me I guess. It's okay 'cause I'm mad at him too. DEYM. You can't tell me that. I have done my part. Hindi ko na kasalanan kung talagang madamot ang teacher namin! Kung alam niyo lang. Shit la. aldjoweuj9liWUEJDNIWEHFÖ8I PUCHA!

As in. And oh, Lawrrence Lozano. Hello. I told you to promise me na ang ipapagpalit niya dapat sa'kin is not my friend. Pero hello! FRIENDS KAYA KAMI NG PINUPUNTERYA MO NGAYON! SHIT LA. As if it's not that painful. Yeah sure, go ahead. :|

FUCK MY DAMNED LIFE.

PUTA.

SHIT.

I WANT TO DIE.

Hello, Blogger.

OMG. I haven't posted anything here for months now. I just visited my abandoned Friendster account because I wanted to read N*****'s comments when we were still you-know. I miss him and I know it's not a good thing. But I think it's not wrong to miss someone. Right? Anyway, I found a link in my profile directing to my blog. I read some of my posts here before and I just, gah, I miss blogging. I always blog in Tumblr. But this is different. Blogging in Tumblr is different. I just post random pictures I found in the internet there. No text posts, well there are but I seldom make them. Nobody likes reading text posts there. Well, here, though there's no one reading my blog, I still find it really fun.

I don't know if I'll be back for good. But I will try to update this as much as possible. :-)

FULLY BOOKED

It's been a while since I last posted a blog here. I've been very busy these past few weeks. I can't even update my other accounts but my wish was granted yesterday. Yeehey! But then again, it's of no use because I'm leaving for couple of days. I have a hectic schedule.

October 16- 21: GSP Camping
October 17: University of Santo Tomas Entrance Test
October 21: Flight to Manila
October 21-23: UST Journalism Training
October 24: Rest day (I need this!)
October 25-29: CMLI Annual Conference at Baguio City
October 30: Tour? Back to Manila
October 31: MOA day
November 1-3: Spend these days with my dad

Oh yes. Very hectic ey? Yay! 13 days absent! I don't know what my grades for this quarter will be. Oh, God bless me. I'm cramming now. Doing my school projects and etc. I have to pass them before I leave for Manila. I don't know what I will do now. )=

I'm challenging myself. XD

Soccer and Ghosts.

I just got home from soccer practice 10 minutes ago. I just started playing it like today and I already love it. I can see myself playing in a tournament already. Anyway, the point is, we practice at Leyte Sports Development Center. It's a special place for me. It all started there.

You know what I'm talking about. If you don't, well, that's your problem. After 5 months of not being inside LSDC is a long wait. Before I was only on the bleachers cheering for him, looking for cuties. Now I'm on the field. I'm on the oval. It feels great.

I feel you, 421...

A Dream, A Song, A Message

I called him yesterday. I called him 2 times but he didn't answer it. I texted him, threatened him that I'll not call him anymore if he doesn't answer his phone. I tried to call him again. He answered.

Our conversation wasn't a good one. He wasn't interested, I can tell. He said he was about to sleep so I shouted "OKAY FINE, SLEEP THEN!" Yes, I lost control over my irritation. I mean come on, I haven't talked to him for a week. Sure, I miss him and I expect that he feels the same way too. But I can't blame him, I've learned to understand his ways.

But yesterday was ughh. Never mind.

That was bad. Bad enough to let me cry. I think he doesn't know it hurts me really bad. I can't blame him again for not knowing. After all, we are far from each other and we seldom talk. And I just feel that he isn't the type of guy who wants to know that his girl is always crying because of him. I understand though. I learned to be understanding and patient.

It's just that it's really unfair because now that I've become more patient and understanding, there's no one who can appreciate these changes. It's lonely.

--

Anyway, I dreamt of him last night. It was like the continuation of the phone incident yesterday...

He answered my 3rd call, just like what happened yesterday afternoon. Because I was mad at him he said he'll try to make it up to me. Then all of a sudden he texted me that he was on the bus terminal here in Tacloban. I went there and yes, I saw him. He's more attractive now than he was before. His hair wasn't that curly anymore. Seeing him made me smile.

There was a tour echus in our place then. He wanted us to attend the lecture thingy so I sat on the chairs. I expected him to sit beside me but instead he sat beside his guy friends. I felt bad of course but I didn't react. I pity myself for being very understanding. Haay.

After that we went to a house of an old man with a very fascinating and inspiring life story. I saved a seat for him but he didn't take it. Again, I didn't react.

After the story-telling, I went with him. I walked with him while holding his hand. I tried to make conversation but he doesn't show any interest in my talks. I don't understand why he was acting that way so I talked to him.

I asked him if he found someone new. He nodded. "What about us?" I asked while crying. I said it will be better if we would end it right there and then but he didn't want to. I just cried. Then May, my classmate who was sleeping beside me, woke me up.

--

Well, I don't know what will happen to us. I haven't talk to him yet. I don't know what to say to him. I planned on talking to him next weekend. I know he'll be busy this week. Hay. He always is.

That dream made me really down. I haven't smiled heartily since the minute I woke up until now. Maybe I'm not gonna smile again until we're okay.

Listening to Hiling by Silent Sanctuary over and over again. I want to cry. I want to cry. I want to talk to him. I want to see him. I want to embrace him. I want to feel his heart beating.
I want him. I want him. I want him.

This song is making me really sad. I feel like crying whenver I hear this song. Funny thing is, I intended to hear this song again and again for the rest of the night. Haha. )):

I'm confused. I'm really sad. I want to be with him again and I'm willing to wait. But I think it is really stupid to wait. My friends think it is...

Ano na kaya balita sa iyo?
Naiisip mo rin kaya ako?

I miss you like hell, 421. Come back.

Hinahanap ka pa rin ng aking puso.
Parang kulang nga kapag ika'y wala.

At ihiling sa mga bituin na minsan pa sana'y ako'y iyong mahalin.
At ihiling kahit dumilim ang aking daang tatahakin patungo sa iyo.

Please love me still until I get over you.

Sa langit ko na lang ba yayakapin?
Asan ka na kaya, aasa pa sa wala?

ASA ako! Nasasaktan na ako. Wanna give up but I just can't.

Nais ka lamang mahagkan
Nais ka lamang masilayan
Kahit alam kong tapos na
Kahit alam kong wala ka na

Naprapraning na ako. Ikaw pa rin talaga, di pa rin kita makalimutan.
Iniisip ko pa ring may pag-asa pa tayo kahit alam ko since the day I met you na wala talaga tayong patutunguhan. Hindi ikaw ang nanloko sa'kin, ako mismo. Ako.

That's why I'm a STAR. I'm wishing to myself, I'm wishing for myself. Hindi to normal. Alam ko yun. Some may find it stupid. Some even laugh when I talk about it. Well, they are right and I can't blame them. It's really stupid that I still wish for things that will surely not happen. Maybe I fell for him at the wrong place and at the wrong time. Maybe falling in love with him was wrong. Maybe it really was.....

I can't stop him to look for another girl. I can't and I won't. I knew from the start that it would end one way or another. I knew from the start that it wouldn't work out. I knew from the start that he'd go looking for someone new and I promised myself if that happens I wouldn't get mad at him, I promised myself that I will try to be happy no matter what, no matter how it ends.

Well, if that happens, I will still think of him that's for sure. I will think of him until I get tired and until I get over him.



I love you, 421. Please let me until I get over you.

I'll always be your star.
Maia

HELL WEEK.

This week's the worst week I ever had. I feel and look like shit. I am wasted.

I've been cold to so many people this week because most of the time I'm in a bad mood. The Science investigatory project was stressing, plus the grades in our other subjects were given. I have not been doing good this 1st quarter. I will not tell you the details so as not to disappoint you. I don't want you to feel sorry for me.

Gawd. I just feel stressed out and all. I feel like crying. I haven't had an 8-hour sleep since last week and I don't think I have the chance to sleep my ass out for 8 hours. I don't have the time. There's just so many things to do. We've been pressurized by our teachers. I really feel stressed. Reallly.

STRESSED.
STRESSED.
STRESSED.

I don't even know what to do now. Well, actually, something good happened this week. I trained last night after being idle for 2 years in Taekwondo. That was a very good feeling. I really missed kicking. XD And yeah, my ex crush was there. He was my kicking partner for the whole session. I was glad we all trained together.

Speaking of, I don't wanna have a crush on him again. That's just weird. At least I think it is. ERRR.

Hay. Got nothing good to say, really. So I guess I'll just end it here.

I am in Trouble

TROUBLE
NeverShoutNever

I'm in trouble
I'm an addict
I'm addicted to this girl
She's got my heart tied in a knot
And my stomach in a whirl

But even worse
I can't stop calling her
She's all I want and more
I mean damn
What's not to adore?

I've been playing too much guitar
I, I've been listening to jazz
I called so many times
I swear she's going mad
And that cellular will be the death of us
I swear, I swear

And oh
O-oh, o-oh, o-ooh
Ooooh

I'm running my mouth
Just like I got her
But I surely don't

Because she's so
O-oh, o-oh, o-ooh
Rock 'n roll
And out of my league
Is she out of my league?
Let's hope not

I'm in trouble
I'm so cliché
See that word just wears me out
Makes me feel like just another boy
To laugh and joke about

But even worse
I can't stop calling her
I love to hear that voice
And honestly
I'm left with no choice

I've been playing too much guitar
I, I've been listening to jazz
I called so many times
I swear she's going mad
And that cellular will be the death of us
I swear, I swear

And oh
O-oh, o-oh, o-ooh
Ooooh

I'm running my mouth
Just like I got her
But I surely don't

Because she's so
O-oh, o-oh, o-ooh
Rock 'n roll
And out of my league
Is she out of my league?
Let's hope not

And oh
O-oh, o-oh, o-ooh
Ooooh, oooh

I am in trouble. Big-time trouble. I flunked Analytic Geometry. You need not know my first quarter grade but since I'm talking about it now I'm gonna reveal it to the whole world. 74. Yes, I know, I know. It's a shame. A really big shame on my part because my father is really good in Mathematics and I think he's expecting that I'm gonna inherit that from him. I don't want to dissappoint him but what can I do?

I feel like crying my heart out but no thank you. I won't cry. I won't. Just because of that? No way. What can crying do? It will just make me look more stressed. And besides, it won't make my grade a passing one.

I'm still sad though. I feel bad and all. Ever since the world has begun, I hate mathematics. It isn't an easy subject. Well, actually, in my first grade of elementary level, I had a perfect score in our quarterly exams. That was easy of course. But now. Now. Now. Now. I don't know what to do.

I'm in trouble. Really big trouble. I don't know what to say. Math drained my brain. Math drained my energy...

I'm gonna die...
Toot. Toot. Toooooooooooooooot...